Both companies have
announced that all their factories and offices outside of Akron Ohio
will be closed immediately. Employees who live outside of Akron will
be terminated as of this coming week-end. Outlets bearing the
Goodyear or Firestone name and logos who sell tires outside of Akron
will be mandated to stop using these corporate names and stop selling
Goodyear and Firestone tires and other rubber and polymer products.
The new administration has
decided that it is unnecessary to serve need anywhere else but in
Akron with some exceptions for some communities in Summit County. CEO
Sam Snodgrass stated, “Why should we be serving needs outside of
our home city when there is need right here under our noses. Just
yesterday I witnessed two autos on Market Street with BALD tires!”
When asked by Beacon
Journal reporters where these two world renowned companies would
obtain their raw materials for manufacturing their products, CEO
Snodgrass proudly announced that,
“There is plenty of room
right here in our county to plant rubber trees and obtain other raw
or basic polymer kind of stuff here at home.”
All assets of these two
formerly international corporations will be returned to Akron and
applied to uses locally. Snodgrass did concede that some
internationally based employees with family ties to Akron may be
given opportunities for employment in these two companies here.
Snodgrass also stated that
the Goodyear blimp would only be used at local Aeros baseball games
and at some Akron high school football games when they have home
games. He concluded, “Obviously it is a waste to be flying these
things in places like Cleveland. They should get their own blimps.
Their teams aren’t winning so much anyway.”
When asked why the former
executives of these two great corporations were fired and let go,
Snodgrass replied, “Because they were internationalists.”
Refreshments at the press
conference included pies made in Akron by Gardner pie factory on
Turkey Foot Road in Coventry Township which until last week supplied
17 states with pies made in Akron. This company has also decided to
limit its distribution of pies only to consumers in Akron and some
Summit county communities. Gardner executives including CEO Mr. Gumo
Smits concluded that,” We are simply following the prudent policies
of our successful rubber executives and limiting our pies for use
locally. There are plenty of Akronites who haven’t eaten a Gardner
pie in weeks.”
This retrenchment is
affecting churches throughout the USA. Missionaries are being
re-called and told to get back home “where you belong.”
Humanitarian, health and medical programs sponsored by United States
religious organizations operating overseas will be closed, including
hospitals and clinics and feeding stations which now operate in over
100 poorer nations.
The U.S. government
foreign aid program which costs us one per cent of the total national
budget will be eliminated as soon as possible. Pending withdrawal
from the United Nations should close that loop hole including UNICEF,
the World Health Organization, and the World Food Program. In order to curtail
sympathy for those suffering disasters and famine the media are
requested to stop covering those events if they occur outside the
USA.
