Goodyear Firestone New Policy

The new administration of Goodyear and Firestone has decided to concentrate ALL their production activity exclusively for Akron. This means that they feel that since there is so much need for tires and rubber products including polymer right here in Summit County they will stop producing for anywhere else.

Both companies have announced that all their factories and offices outside of Akron Ohio will be closed immediately. Employees who live outside of Akron will be terminated as of this coming week-end. Outlets bearing the Goodyear or Firestone name and logos who sell tires outside of Akron will be mandated to stop using these corporate names and stop selling Goodyear and Firestone tires and other rubber and polymer products.

The new administration has decided that it is unnecessary to serve need anywhere else but in Akron with some exceptions for some communities in Summit County. CEO Sam Snodgrass stated, “Why should we be serving needs outside of our home city when there is need right here under our noses. Just yesterday I witnessed two autos on Market Street with BALD tires!”

When asked by Beacon Journal reporters where these two world renowned companies would obtain their raw materials for manufacturing their products, CEO Snodgrass proudly announced that,

“There is plenty of room right here in our county to plant rubber trees and obtain other raw or basic polymer kind of stuff here at home.”

All assets of these two formerly international corporations will be returned to Akron and applied to uses locally. Snodgrass did concede that some internationally based employees with family ties to Akron may be given opportunities for employment in these two companies here.

Snodgrass also stated that the Goodyear blimp would only be used at local Aeros baseball games and at some Akron high school football games when they have home games. He concluded, “Obviously it is a waste to be flying these things in places like Cleveland. They should get their own blimps. Their teams aren’t winning so much anyway.”

When asked why the former executives of these two great corporations were fired and let go, Snodgrass replied, “Because they were internationalists.”

Refreshments at the press conference included pies made in Akron by Gardner pie factory on Turkey Foot Road in Coventry Township which until last week supplied 17 states with pies made in Akron. This company has also decided to limit its distribution of pies only to consumers in Akron and some Summit county communities. Gardner executives including CEO Mr. Gumo Smits concluded that,” We are simply following the prudent policies of our successful rubber executives and limiting our pies for use locally. There are plenty of Akronites who haven’t eaten a Gardner pie in weeks.”

This retrenchment is affecting churches throughout the USA. Missionaries are being re-called and told to get back home “where you belong.” Humanitarian, health and medical programs sponsored by United States religious organizations operating overseas will be closed, including hospitals and clinics and feeding stations which now operate in over 100 poorer nations.

The U.S. government foreign aid program which costs us one per cent of the total national budget will be eliminated as soon as possible. Pending withdrawal from the United Nations should close that loop hole including UNICEF, the World Health Organization, and the World Food Program.  In order to curtail sympathy for those suffering disasters and famine the media are requested to stop covering those events if they occur outside the USA.